make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
