I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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