Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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