is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
