there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
