That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
