I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
