hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
