Are we in a gay sports bar?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize