Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize