he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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