I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
