Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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