After last night, I could never be a politician.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
