I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
