he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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