I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
