And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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