OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
