Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
