walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
