omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
