Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
