I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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