his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
