how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
