coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
