You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
