I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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