I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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