I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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