I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i think my cat just said my name.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
