I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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