She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
