walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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