First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize