Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
