Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
