I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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