not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
