tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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