I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it's like iHOP with fire
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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