yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
