I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
