i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
