At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
