I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
