I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
