jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
