Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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