I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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