why didn't you poke me back
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
