kristin has been a bad kristin
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
