epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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