Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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