dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
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On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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