I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
