Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
