I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
