Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
time to smoke my breakfast
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
