I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
