i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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