we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize