I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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